50 Shades of Fail - movie review

So I came back yesterday from the 50 Shades of Grey movie premiere, and ever since then I've had mixed feelings. I've read the first volume almost a year ago, but I've never actually gotten into it. I went into the theater with 5 other friends, ready to have a laugh at the poor acting and idiotic plot this story comes to offer.
But, apparently, there is more to it than you would ever think.
Firstly, I think it's safe to say that the directors tricked us into coming to the cinema, building up the excitement with intense trailers, clips, news, and a long ( and rather exquisite) soundtrack. It is slightly unfair, especially if you come back from the theater the way I did- utterly unimpressed.
The film starts with socially awkward Anastasia, typical shy but weirdly attractive protagonist that stumbles her way into the biggest and most disgusting cliche this industry has to offer. You've seen it billions of times, but now it has sex and bondage- so it must be really special! She meets Mr.Grey, a confident and strong alpha male that soaked the panties of 50% of the girls (and single moms) in the theater and that is so uni-dimensional it's actually painful to watch. Even though he can have any girl in the whole wide world, he falls for this awkward, virgin squirrel- because that always happens in real life.
After running into her one more time and saving ( or kidnapping- it really is just a matter of perspective) the damsel from too much alcohol the writers and directors decide it's enough foreplay so they go out on an actual date, days after they first met. Now this date ends with a weird proposal and deflowering the innocent Ana, leaving us somewhere between confusion and appreciation for the big love story we are about to witness.( or not)
Now, this illogical and rushed plot could have been saved by the actors, but believe it or not it was not the case. Co-stars Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson have no chemistry whatsoever, being so awkard around each other it's actually cringe-worthy. The hardware store scene is so awful, I had to dip my head into my popcorn to make sure my eyes won't bleed.
Anyways, after a few more boring occurrences Ana is manipulated into agreeing to go into the playroom and be his trial submissive before actually signing the contract. Now, I'm going to give this movie points for focusing on female pleasure and inhibition lost. Testing your limits and embracing your body is fine, experimenting and feeling pleasure on every possible level is...refreshing. So this part was surprisingly nailed ( no pun intended)
But I have to go over it again and eliminate the sex from it, just so it wouldn't be any confusion. The story is abusive, not because of the BDSM ( a lifestyle that many consensual adults choose to have and that is by no means pejorative or bad) but because of the creepy, stalking-like way Christian behaves and that is brilliantly masked by his charming self and well...money.
A guy you've just met tracks down your phone, extracts you from your friends and drives your unconscious persona into his house. He sleeps near you (was the couch broken?) and changes your clothes(how thoughtful) and then expedites you back to your apartment ( learning where you live), He often lets himself in and controls you choices by showering you with expensive gifts that you cannot refuse. He forbids you to talk to your friends and family about your relationship, isolating you from them, When he finds out you went to see your mother without asking for his consent, he gets furious. He finds pleasure in hitting you ( apparently, outside of the bedroom, too) but brilliantly hides that by including it in a lifestyle and making up a contract to seem like it all makes sense. Now, if Christian was a poor, dirty, creepy and weird guy this actions would have costed him a restricting order. But, because he is polite, elegant, and, well, rich, he doesn't seem like your usual abuser. This is why manipulating Ana seems romantic. And I find it disgusting.
On the other hand, I don't think this was the writer's intention. I think that a woman who wrote a twilight fanfiction wanted more sex for the plot and decided that BDSM was the answer, but, not knowing enough about it, assumed that the dominant had to be controlling in an type of situation, turning him into this weird character that won't bring Dornan any Oscars soon. To make sure he is not too scary she added a tragic back story that makes much more sense in the books than it appears in the movie, but that's no news.
All in all, the story is funny,but not in the Adam Sandler-way that pops in your mind when you hear the word "comedy". It has a soft humor that makes the boring/awkward scenes more enjoyable, shaking the cinema with laughter and stimulating you more than...well, the sex scenes. The theater experience is interesting, because the whole room is filled with such a sweet excitement that keeps you on the edge of your seat ( until it actually starts and you realize it's not what you've signed up for).It's an easy film, the one you may enjoy at some point but won't keep in your mind. I wouldn't rewatch it at home, not unless a friend would ask me so that we could make fun of it together.
In the end, I think we should stop over thinking it and just let it go. This phenomenon will die down as many others before it, and will remain in the movie history as nothing but an epic fail that competes with Twilight for "The biggest letdown ever" title.


Have you seen 50 Shades of Grey yet? let me know what you think in the comments!

After by Anna Todd - review

A few months ago I came across this very successful fanfiction, about London's favorite 5 lads. Now, I am by no means a directioner ( I can't even spell their names right) but I got into the story because of one of my best friends and I've promised her I will read it until the end.
I broke my promise.
I am only writing this review because I felt like I needed to get everything out of my system before the anger that has been growing inside me for so long would finally consume me dead. So, without further ado, let's get into this.
Firstly, I am just going to put it out there: This is a good fanfiction. Not a novel, or a book, or even a story. Just a good fanfiction. It portrays the boys in an original, not-band-like way, turning them into brothers or even enemies. I think this is a good thing, to just explore and expand out of the fame and the craze and, well, everything that One Direction truly means. I think it's unfair that directioners all over the world are getting angry at Todd for turning Harry perfect Styles into an asshole- rational people should understand that this has nothing to do with reality and that it's a writer's job to turn real facts into pages and pages of dramatic stories. So the people who are complaining about this not being and accurate portrait of them have to understand- it's not supposed to do that. It's a story, not a biography.
That being said, I can give you plenty other reasons to complain. (evil laugh)
From the very first pages the story jumps out and screams at you. Just screams at you. The whole first half of the first book is a huge cliche, so painfully boring that you can literally feel the words bruising your brain. Good, innocent girl with a crazy mother gets to meet a mysterious, bad boy whom she hates at first, but then, as the plot goes on she finds herself attracted to him in an inevitable way. Her friend ( who obviously has to be a little bit more experienced, so she could initiate the protagonist) gets to give her a huge makeover, putting mascara on her lashes and trading her ugly maxi skirts for beautiful, sexy dresses. The writer has no idea how to make Tessa and Harry bond so she glorifies alcohol and bad decisions to give them the opportunity to get to know each other.
I am not going to get over every stupid detail that the story offered us, simply because it would take me ages to write them all down. The plot itself is unrealistic and illogical. Todd is so concerned with surprising us, that she leaves the common sense aside and turns otherwise normal events into big, dramatic and EXTREMELY irrational incidents.
By the end of the story, we've witnessed endless fights over the same matters, countless abuses,
alcoholism, drugs, make-up sex ( because apparently sex really fixes everything and people that are supposed to love each other up to the point of madness can only communicate through...body language? ) violent outbursts, weddings, secrets, and...more sex?
I think Anna Todd should have stopped after the second...damn, I guess I'll have to call it "book". But unfortunately she was so happy with her fifteen minutes of fame that she made us go through the exact same drama, yet once again, just so that she could feel important a little longer. I think it's unfair to the readers that, in the end, nothing some of us have been rooting for actually mattered. Do you remember the "moving to Seattle" craze? The endless fights about marriage and kids? The Zayn, Trevor, Profesor Sotto, and...the other waiter guy drama? Well, guess what has been the ultimate break-up reason: Tessa saw Harry standing near another girl that happened to be wearing his T-shirt and she assumed that something has happened. Boo-fucking-hoo.
ALSO, who in the world is lucky enough to get a paid internship while still in college for literally just reading? And who is lucky enough to have a friendly boss who, even after burnt by your psychotic boyfriend will still pay you TO STAY HOME AND CRY LIKE AN ASSHOLE?
Another thing that bothered me was the fifty shades rip-off. When I started reading After I was just finishing 50 Shades of Grey, so Todd had a huge stroke of bad luck. Harry, bending Tessa over a desk, taking her in the office, Harry, making Tessa beg for permission to reach an orgasm ( in a rather abusing way and completely out of the blue) Harry, calling Tessa "good girl" and being endlessly controlling, Todd, seeing the success the other novel had and thinking "hmmm sex sells, maybe I could do that too."
And last but not least, the thing I hated most about this Jane Austen desperate wanna be- the protagonist. No, I'm not talking about Harry ( who, even poorly justified, had a little more credibility) I'm talking about our very own and dear Theresa Young, or, as I like to call her, "Moaning Myrtle".
She is the most annoying, dramatic, irrational character I've ever came across.Maybe it's just because I'm not an emphatic person, but I didn't root for her at all. I found her disgustingly weak. Everything she does all day is cry and complain and I've grown sick of it. What happened to strong female characters? What happened with not needing a man to feel fulfilled ?
And to prove my point, here is a list of things this story has taught me through it's poor characters and unrealistic plot:
-Getting black out drunk when things don't work out it's ok and by no means illegal or troubling
-Returning to abusive relationships is fine
- Having a boyfriend is all that matters, University and your own mother can wait
-Running away from your problems is the right way to handle things
-Nice guys always finish last
-If, however, you fight with your boyfriend you can neglect your other responsibilities
-Pain gives you the right to be an asshole ( and I'm not talking about Harry)
-You don't need to have everything figured out, because your boyfriend's family will always let you live with them no questions asked. The same rule applies to your boss and coworkers
-Lying to someone and treating them like crap is fine because love will conquer it all
-If you have no talent whatsoever but still want to write and make money, just base your characters on worldwide known people.You'll get famous faster and you don't have to write any character description and therefore prove your lack of any writing skills because everybody already knows what they look like.

Any thoughts on After? Let me know in the comments!

School-how to cope with

Being a sophomore in high school means, basically, loosing sleep over homework, teen drama, assignments and crazy, scary paper tests that seem to appear after every corner. In Romania, school started about three weeks ago, and ever since then I've been enrolled in a fast and too many times furious roller coaster, I've been up and down papers and projects and fights over unimportant matters, I've been high, really high, but I've also hit the bottom. I find that many students nowadays are not coping too well with the stress an average high school day can bring-and, even though I'm no psychologist, I've come up with a few ways they could improve their school life and hopefully turn it into something fun and useful.
Now, I get that too many stressful events can easily lead to anxiety and even further into depression, but if there is one thing that I've learned in this ten amazing and also terrifying years I've spent in school, is that, apart from death and...well, death, everything works out. And I know it's hard to believe and I know that some of you may roll your eyes at me, but think about it: Will it matter in one year? Because let me tell you something, it won't.
Yes, you've heard me, or better yet you've red me. Everything works out, and there is absolutely no reason for you to think otherwise. Start telling yourself this and you'll come to actually believe it. And seriously now, will it matter in one year that you've had a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend , that you failed a test or that your mom grounded you and now you can't go to that amazing party ? No. So why loose sleep over it? Why charge yourself with all this crazy, dark, negative energy that would eventually consume you? Trust me. I've been there, and I've cried over boys whose names I can't remember right now, and I've fought with my parents over and over and over again because of some bad grades that don't matter anymore, and I've missed parties and I've never been too popular, but who the f cares?
No one. Because none of this things matter. You need to take a deep breath and start telling yourself that you can make it. There is something inside you greater than every obstacle. Please remember this next time you feel down.
Start focusing on stuff that matters and stop worrying about minor things. Think about college. Make a plan. Wake up, go to school and smile to everyone. Do your assignments when you have a little bit of extra time so you won't have to stay up late...again. Get involved into things that you like, join clubs and go trips. Stop depending on others. Find yourself. Meet new people. Laugh as much as you can. Fail sometimes, this is the only way you'll gain experience. Be positive, Help others. Breath every once in a while. Dump that asshole, you can do better. Read, read more, read as much as you can. Stay informed-you need to know about what's going on around you!
Try new things. Cry sometimes. Do extra assignments so that you save your average. Experience. Be honest, but never rude. Remember all this things next time you go to school. See, you are stuck here and there is really no way you can avoid it. ( btw, you shouldn't. Knowledge means power) SO you should start focusing of making the best of it, best of anything really.
Because no matter how hard it seems now, you'll never be this young again. And you'll miss it.
I'll miss it...

Hello again

It's been a while since I've last written anything here...( ok , lame try of being dramatic and cool-it's actually been like 42 hours and 34 minutes-but who counts) , but I just got inspired and felt the need to express myself - maybe it's the heat , maybe it's the summer running away from us , slipping through our fingers just like the sand used to last time we went to the beach. Anyways , I figured that my first post let out very little information about me. So , this one has the job to fill those holes .( just like my blog would be a huge , artistic vagina - oops , that was highly inappropriate- sorry not sorry)
Now , I don't know why any of you should be interested in knowing me ( that's because you aren't-I know , I know , stop rolling your eyes) but this is the only way I can think about in starting an online diary/blog/whatever , so yeah , I will go with it. Yay ! ( *praying* "please don't log out please don't log out please don't log out)
To be honest , I don't even know why I've started this blog anyway. It's not like I have something particularly interesting or amusing to share- But I guess I'm just trying to practice my English skills ( don't be fooled - every word that is written correctly is due to the "Cambridge advanced learner's dictionary- just saying , you know how annoying it is to have to use that? Is huge , heavy , and sometimes confusing ) and my writing skills and probably kill some time since I have plenty.And also , it makes me feel kinda important and profesional , like writing for a magazine or something -fun fact about me , I've always dreamed of being a novel writer -see , we already know each other better . 
So , my name is Alexandra and that's all you get to know because my last name would probably scare you off ( romanian , long , again , confusing) I'm sixteen and , unfortunately , I'm not living in the middle of Miami ( for all the Iggy Azaela fans out there this reference probably actually made sense) My birthday was one week ago , an the best time of my life was maybe like three weeks ago when I was in summer camp. When I can't breathe , I write. Breathing is actually very important to me , in the future you'll get to know why I'm saying-well , more like writing- that. I hate insects and I love pink , sunsets , books and tv shows. Harry Potter is my world. The film "About time" changed my life. I want to start a YouTube channel. I'm not a crier. I live in a small town , but extremely beautiful. I want to go back to London , this time for good. I write more often than I blink. I want to be Audrey Hepburn or Blair Waldorf. I'm strangely optimistic for someone with no social life. I'm  huge bookworm ( you've probably anticipated that from the numerous writing mentions- reading and writing are totally linked , they can't be without one another ) I've seen Mean Girls for , like , 15 times , and I could watch it again and again , I know all the words but that doesn't change anything. I can't swim and I hate that. I hate all the Romanian dishes - too healthy for me. Alex Turner is my husband , but he doesn't know that yet , and Arctic Monkeys is seriously the best thing that happened to the music industry since Beatles. Coffee never waked me up , but I'm still gonna drink it every single morning. I have my own concept about how I should live , like my own mantra or something - maybe somewhere in the future I'm gonna share it on my blog .I love everything beauty and fashion related , and I love recreating make up looks and outfits. I'm actually a pretty good liar. I love rain , all kinds of rain , including thunderstorms. I love classic things , from music to films . Disney is proof humans can do magic. I love going to the opera or ballet or theatre , rather than going anywhere else ( too bad none of my friends feel the same way so I end up going less often that I want to ) . I'm really interested in politics , I used to debate at a city debating club and I absolutely loved it - some people tell me I am leader cut , it might be true because I'm generally organised and a little bossy. I would love if I could candidate for school president next year but I'm afraid I won't have enough time. I make lists for everything , even when I get ready I list the things I'm supposed to put on my face , on paper. Lana Del Rey is my queen . 
Woah , too much information already? Well , if you kept on reading till here , hello again. Enchanted. 
Hello.


P.S. Here is more of my face :

My first time

So , believe it or not , this post is not going to be about that first time. That's right ladies and gentlemen , you aren't in for a new and updated 50 shades of Grey version ( although that would be really cool) You are going to experience five to ten minutes (  depending on how much of a fast reader you are) of my thrilling , surprising , exciting and totally boring life . Hope you enjoy !
I created this blog about three minutes ago , and ever since I've been debating with my inner voice on what should be the subject of my very first blog post. Should it be funny? Should it be a ranting about some of my favorite products? Should it be about my inability of expressing myself in English properly? ( I'm Romanian-Yes , it is an actual country. Yes , we do have internet connection )Well , it is your lucky day ! Because I've gone for the last one (*slow clap*)
For those of you who have been around this site for longer , you probably remember your very first blog post-the excitement , the thrilling emotion of starting something new , of going beyond your boundaries and limits and explore a new and artistic side of yourself bla bla bla. That side probably turned out to be a dark one when you realized you have no readers ( and , let's be honest - it happens to 99 percent of us. It's fine , it's probably going to happen to me too ) But , no matter how long has your writing career survived , you will always remember that first time. And I think that's one of the most valuable firsts in our life.
Sure , it's not like a first baby , or a first car , or the first "I love you" , but for an average sixteen-years old girl with no boyfriend that's the best it could get. So yay outcasts!
But , no matter what kind , I think firsts are important. And I seriously want to experience as many as I can up until the day I die. A great character from a great film once said "I love first times. I want my entire life to be composed by them. Life is only interesting if life is wide" ( and yes I totally memorized that. I thought you knew by now that I'm a no lifer)
So , If there are any of you actually reading this , share your firsts that you've experienced so far this year. I would love to hear about them all. And never , ever be afraid of making some more. Widen your horizons. Widen your life.
The only firsts from 2014 that I could think for right now are : my first boyfriend ( or , better yet , my first real as in more than three weeks boyfriend) my first summer camp , my first hangover , my first clubbing experience , my first trip to Greece , my first year in High School , my first sleepover ,my first time going to the beach with my bff's , my first laptop , my first tumblr post ( a litte bit of shameless self promotion-http://alexandravsl.tumblr.com/ this is my tumblr if you want to stop by and say hi ) my first really really really bad grade , my first love ( YouTube , that is ) my first cigar ( nothing to brag about since I kinda sorta maybe definitely regret it ) and , of course , my first blog post. So , up until the end of the year , I hope I will experience just as many firsts. And I hope that you will do the same